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winter snow

How time flies. Christmas is once again just around the corner. I have always loved Christmas. It always gives me that warm and cosy feeling which I savor. But then again, it also makes me feel a year older too.

I was actually quite stressed up over the weekend to prepare for the biopsychology module … stressed to the extent of wanting to get it done once and for all and bury the textbook and the notes. I was trying to make sense out of the notes and textbook with my course-mate on Sunday, but seeing the way he was forcefully memorizing his notes had increased my stress level a few notches higher until I decided to abandon him and move to another location myself but still within the NP campus.

I needed solitude. I needed to be alone. And when I found the open-air alfresco dining area under the shady trees outside the Makan Place, I glued my butt there, with my notes. And that was when my ipod was playing this song, “winter snow” featuring Audrey Assad and Chris Tomlin. Jazzy, slow and easy. Audrey sounded like Norah Jones. I loved it. I decided to close my eyes and let the song repeat itself for next 20 minutes on a breezy Sunday afternoon. No students, no dining crowds (the food court wasn’t opened). If I wanted to find a place of solitude on Sunday, this is one of such places. I hoped that 20 minutes would soothe my troubling soul and bring my stress level down a few notches. Naturally, when I decided to stop the song, reality came rushing in like a tidal wave and I had to face the stress again. I was still contemplating whether to do it or skip it, but something tells me to go for it.

Anyway, I decided to take the morning paper with the make-or-break mentality. I just started scribbling for 2 hours, skipping those parts I don’t know how to answer and try to smoke my way through those I could. Don’t ask me how easy or difficult the paper was because my emotions were numb and I really didn’t know what I was writing. But after my paper was submitted, I heaved a big sigh of relief. Peace reigned for a while before the hard truth – that I still have another paper to tackle this Thursday. I had done all that I could. I managed to scribble something even if the answers may not make any sense at all or bad enough for the marker to read it as a stress reliever and guffaw through the night (I know who the marker is and I will spam his FB if he ever tells me that).

And now, I’m taking a quick break typing this entry, before I start to cramp all the theories into my brain in a little while more.

And as what Audrey Assad and Chris Tomlin had sung, there were no mighty storm or hurricane, there were no tidal waves or or a roaring floods, there were no burning bushes or chariot of fire flying across the sky, Heavens did not sound a hugh pompous fanfare or broadcast a worldwide announcement …. but while people then were daily struggling to survive the harshest realities of life and waiting for God to perform a big bang miracle to lift us out of their problems with a finger, Jesus just float into our world silently like the winter snow, working quietly to redeem mankind.

And as I was busy coping with my stress and finding ways to do well for my papers, hoping for an immediate relief of stress and a massive impartation of understanding and knowledge from Him to me so I can soar high in my exams – He has quietly slipped into my heart like a winter snow, quietly taking care of the rest when I have done all that I can. And I am still learning to trust him like that while it can be nerve wrecking.

If you are also in the same predicament like me or stuck in a dilemma and trying to find a way out or asking God to work a miracle with just a snap of a finger, you don’t have to wait till Christmas Day. Just call and reach out to Jesus, that winter snow might have quietly slipped into your heart before you know it.

Be blessed.

(Performed by Audrey Assad and Chris Tomlin)

Could’ve come like a mighty storm
With all the strength of a hurricane
You could’ve come like a forest fire
With the power of heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

You could’ve swept in like a tidal wave
Or an ocean to ravish our hearts
You could have come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the things we’ve scarred

But You came like a winter snow
(Yes, You did)
You were quiet
You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Oh, no, Your voice wasn’t in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn’t in a rushing wind
It was still
It was small
It was hidden

You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Falling
(Oh, yeah)
To the earth below
You came falling
From the sky in the night
To the earth below

by Chris Tomlin

(Verse 1)
What hope we hold this starlit night
a King is born in Bethlehem
Our journey long, we seek the light
that leads to the hallowed manger ground

(Verse 2)
What fear we felt in the silent age
four hundred years can he be found
But broken by a baby’s cry
rejoice in the hallowed manger ground

(Chorus)
Emmanuel, Emmanuel
God incarnate here to dwell
Emmanuel, Emmanuel
Praise His name Emmanuel

(Verse 3)
The son of God, here, born to bleed
a crown of thorns would pierce His brow
And we beheld this offering, exalted now, the King of kings
Praise God for the hallowed manger ground

countdown # 3

46 hours to my first paper and 9 days more to my last. gasp!

If you never felt pain, Then how would you know that I am a Healer?
If you never had to pray, How would you know that I am a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial, How could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness, How would you know that I am a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake, How would you know that I am a forgiver?
If you knew all, How would you know that I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, How would you know that I will come to your rescue
If you never were broken, Then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem,How would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering, Then how would you know what I went through?
If you never went through the fire, Then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things, How would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you, How would you know that I love you?
If you had all power, Then how would you learn to depend on Me?
If your life was perfect, Then what would you need Me for?

Love,
Jesus

spring is coming

(by Steven Curtis Chapman)

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief sowed the ground.
The sky lost its sun and the world lost its green, till life was brown.
Now the chill in the wind has turned the earth hard as stone
Silent the seed lies beneath the ice and snow
And my hearts heavy now
But I’m not letting go of this hope I have that tells me

(Chorus)
Spring is coming
Spring is coming
And all we’ve been hoping and longing for soon will appear.
Spring is coming.
Spring is coming.
It won’t be long now
It’s just about here

********************************************

Hear the birds start to sing.
Feel the life in the breeze.
Watch the ice melt away.
The kids are coming out to play.
Feel the sun on your skin.
Growing strong and warm again.
Watch the ground, there’s something moving.
Something is breaking through.
New life is breaking through!

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

- Psalm 42:1-11

countdown # 2

4 more days to my first paper. 11 days to my last paper. How nice if I don’t have to take any papers.

And I can’t believe this. It’s 8.30pm on Sunday night and I’m still mugging in one of the remote corners at NP. Mosquitoes, buzz off.

ragamuffin

Definition:
–noun
1. a ragged, disreputable person; tatterdemalion.
2. a child in ragged, ill-fitting, dirty clothes.

That’s why I gave myself this handle – ragamuffinkid. In the eyes of God who is just and righteous, I’m just another kid who is completely underserving of His love and grace, and no matter how much I can try, I cannot win His heart and His love. We can’t win His love. He just gave them freely to us. Truth be told, sometimes, I felt so undeserving to the extent that I just don’t know how to receive it.

As You have loved me, please help me to love You more and more everyday.

by Dave Bryant
Jesus take me as I am,
I can come no other way.
Take me deeper into You,
Make my flesh life melt away.
Make me like a precious stone,
Crystal clear and finely honed.
Light of Jesus shining through,
Giving glory back to You

Life of late has been quite nerve-wrecking and daunting for me. Having to find ways and means to deal with those immediate issues, even right to the point of my wit’s end and nearly succumbed to depression. I wished it wasn’t that tough, but sometimes, things just don’t move the way you wanted it to be and I am being pushed well beyond my limits. And whenever that happens, it dampens my hope and faith, and sucks me bone dry. Sometimes, I feel so helpless, so incapable and so tired, that I feel redundant like a spare tire, and I don’t know what else to do.

Help me stand
When it’s more than I can do
Not to fall
Jesus hear my call
Help me stand
When adversity’s on every hand
When I’ve done all I can
Help me stand

trapeze

by Sheila Walsh

I was the only one
Star of the show
Thought I could make it on my own
Then came the big surprise
out of the blue
What is the clown supposed to do

Why did I walk away?
You were my life
Patiently taught me how to fly
That was my big mistake
I need You so
Please hold me tight, don’t let me go

Suddenly I’m falling out of the sky
Don’t let me go or I will die

Whose hands are these on my trapeze?
I’m falling free You rescue me so willingly
Whose hands are these on my trapeze?
Take hold of me or there will be a tragedy on my trapeze

countdown

As of today, 20 more days to gender, 24 more days to biopsychology and 27 more days to family.

Gasp!

place in this world

It was the year 1990 and I was still serving my full-time national service with 38SCE. This was one of the songs that hit the top 10 on 98.7 FM that year. Very popular indeed. But few people knew that this song by Michael W Smith was actually a gospel song. It was also a song which expressed exactly how I felt that time when I was trying to figure out my place and purpose on this earth. And so, when I first heard this song, it became sort of my personal prayer by singing it to God whenever I was booking in on Sunday night, when I was out in the field for exercise, when I was all alone by myself …

For almost 20 years thereafter, the journey had its ups and downs. But overall, it ended up pretty fruitful and enriching in many ways.

And once in a while, I’ll still sing this to Him in the darkest of nights … but this time, it is more to remind myself that if He has brought me thus far, I can still trust Him to see me through for the rest of my journey, though I can’t see what lies ahead or when will this journey end.

And if you are looking for your place in this world, look no further than Jesus, the alpha and the omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. He will see you through if you wholly surrender your life to Jesus and let Him be the Lord of your life.

The wind is moving but I am standing still
A life of pages waiting to be filled
A heart that’s hopeful, a head that’s full of dreams
But this becoming is harder than it seems
Feels like I’m …
Looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find
My place in this world, my place in this world
Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world, my place in this world

If there are millions down on their knees
Among the many can You still hear me
Hear me asking where do I belong
Is there a vision that I can call my own
Show me I’m …
Looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find
My place in this world, my place in this world
Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world, my place in this world

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