the man i never got to know

This Saturday morning, I paid my last respects to my granduncle (my mom’s uncle) before he was buried at CCK. I think that’s probably the least I could do. The feeling was kind of strange and awkward for me since I’m kind of detached from most of my maternal relatives, even some of my uncles and cousins … .you know, it’s like we lived in a totally different world, strangers to each other, and comparing by standards, they have sort of dominated the skies, and I’m still pretty down to earth washing toilet bowls (and I’m still happy with what I’m doing). Perhaps it was my fault that I avoided all the past gatherings which I was invited but I did not manage to find time to attend.

The last time I’ve been to his estate was something like thirty years ago. It still looked pretty much the same now as compared to 30 years ago. Numerous wreaths were lining outside the estate, telling the world on the passing of a very private man. The whole wake, and the hearse as I found out much later through news, was very elaborate and bore that feeling of grandeur. Reminds me of my dad’s funeral about nearly 9 years ago but smaller in scale. I think that may the last time I’m stepping foot into this place.

Next time, if I die, skip all the wakes and funeral, just throw my body into the incinerator and scatter my ashes on the sea, erase me from your memories and get on with your life, and live them to the fullest before you reach the end of your journey on earth.

john c maxwell’s philosophy of life

On the first day, God created the dog. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes by and I’ll give you a lifespan of 20 years.” The dog said, “That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I’ll give you the other ten back,” and God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey, and God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I’ll give you a 20-year lifespan.” The monkey said, “How boring. Monkey tricks for 20 years? I don’t think so. The dog gave you back ten, so that’s what I’ll do, too, okay?” And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow. God said, “You must go out in the field with the farmer all day long, suffer under the sun, have calves, give milk to support the farmer. I’m going to give you a lifespan of 60 years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. Let me have 20 and I’ll give you back the other 40.” And God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man. God said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry, enjoy your life. I’ll give you 20 years.” Man said, “What? Only 20 years? I’ll tell you what, I’ll take my 20, add the 40 the cow gave you back, the ten the monkey gave you back, and the ten the dog gave you back. That makes 80, okay?” “Okay,” God said. “You’ve got a deal.”

So, that is why the first 20 years of our lives we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. For the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everybody that goes by. You have just had life explained to you.

men for others

I was asking Daddy God these questions lately that why am I still doing youth work in church when my peers are busy with their careers and family, can I still handle the work because of the generation gap thingy as the youths could have been my kids. Sometimes, I wonder if I have done enough to fire up their passion for Jesus which in their growth process – to become whom they are meant to be -men and women after God’s own heart. Sometimes, I just find myself loosing that effectiveness in supervising the cluster of cells as well as building the leaders under my charge. Not sure if I should be moving on to a new season.

And last Saturday evening, I was fiddling with the decision on returning to my alma mater for the homecoming dinner or staying back in church for youth service. Somehow, I chose to return reluctantly because I have not met all my classmates for 27 years and I might just end up being another stranger in their midst. Somehow, I was wrong … we managed to connect almost immediately and start rattling away while we ignored what was happening on the stage. It was also kind of funny when Friar Michael De Cruz kept calling us boys and to give him the attention as he was trying to share with us on the school’s endowment fund to support the poor and needy students in their education.

But there was more. As I was walking towards the school hall, I had to pass by the statue of St John Baptist De La Salle.  Daddy God used it to remind me on why I was placed in SJI for my secondary education. St John Baptist De La Salle dedicated most of his life to the education of poor children. Many of the brothers, like Bro Michael Broughton, Bro Paul Rogers also followed along that same footsteps though the journey was long and tough, but in the process, they raised up many to be men of integrity and men for others.

I began to realise that I was actually inspired by what the teachers as well as the Brothers had done – to dedicate themselves tirelessly serving God in the area of education, grooming up young men to who they are today, And that has struck a chord in my heart and seeded a passion and aspiration to do the same but in different manner – to inspire youths to become men and women after God’s own heart, men and women of integrity and for others. Whether I continue to remain in the youth ministry for long, or I move on to another area, I suspect that this work will somehow remain very close to my heart.

Now, I need help to keep that passion and aspiration burning as the work does not get any easier and challenges abound.

our mission

Enabling youth in a Lasallian community
to learn how to learn,
and to learn how to live;
empowering them to become men of integrity
and men for others.

from the SJI mission statement

25 years and 1 day

Wow! I just came to remember that 25 years and 1 day ago, on that cold and stormy evening, I was dunked in a blue-coloured knee- height baby pool when COOS was still at Prince Charles Crescent.

How time flies!

never forget

“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won’t also cost you yours.” – Rich Mullins

bukit chandu

For years since its opening, I had wanted to pop into Reflections of Bukit Chandu and see what was there. And this afternoon, as I was driving around the west coast area, I remembered this museum and decided to drop into this kind of isolated building on sort-of isolated hill in Pasir Panjang. And I was glad I did (not because of its free admission on public holiday, ok?)

I am thankful to these unsung heroes who defended to their last breath for the sovereignty of this land, has brought about the peace time experienced by most people from the Baby Boomers era, Gen X, Gen Y as well as Gen Z. And how the youths (and adults as well) are able to worship God without any inhibitions and fears from being arrested, children running around the HDB playground without the worry of stepping on explosive land mines (dog poos not counted in this case), beach bums enjoying every moment of the breeze and the sound of the waves without the need to worry if there’s going to be an amphibious attack … I could not help but remain grateful for these heroes whom most people do not know or hear much about, but chose to lay down their lives so that the future generations might live,  In that sense, as I left the museum, I was overwhelmed emotionally. To these unsung heroes (and heroines as well), I salute you.

And somehow, I could not help but remember why there was Christmas, and why there was Good Friday and Easter Sunday … and I am so thankful to Jesus. To You, I offer up my life.

everything

Performed by lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you’re everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, you’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want, you’re all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want, you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want, you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

blessed christmas

Hibernating at Starbucks @ ValleyPoint on the evening of Christmas Eve. I guess that’s the downside of still being a single. Have been spending time uploading some old photos onto my FB. And as I was rummaging through these old photos, my heart is somewhat filled with thanks and gratitude for all the bittersweet memories. I guessed it is part and parcel of growing old, and not growing up.

Anyway, 44 is the number. Too old to get married and start a family, I think. Sigh. If you ask me what’s my wish-list for a spouse, it has to be a woman who loves God with all her heart, doesn’t get stuck in the boutique’s fitting room for 8 hours, kind, loving, gentle … hmmm, am I asking for the sky?

To you who still bothers to read my super-boring and lifeless journal, blessed Christmas and Happy 2010 to you !

bbb-

I was away for youth leaders advance from 14-18 Dec at Batam Island and the last day of the advance coincided with the release of my exam results. But it did not occur to me that the results were scheduled to be released at 11am (singapore time)  … which means 10am at Batam and it coincided with the praise and worship. And considering I screwed up my biopsychology tutorials with Ds, and I threw so many smoke grenades on my answer scripts for all the three modules, i thought perhaps I should just see-the-results-and-get-over-with-the-agony-quickly so I could sort of “salvage” my sanity and prevent myself from going into depression during the praise and worship. But I could sense God gently saying, “worship me first … cast your cares unto me …”. Ok, so I let God be God and I gave in.

After the worship was over and when the last testimony by a youth was being shared, I logged into my student portal and took a peek at my results. I could not believe it. I got B- for biopsychology and Bs for my other two sociology modules. It got to be the grace of God.

Jesus did come like a winter snow and worked this miracle quietly in my life while I was so preoccupied with worries and concerns of passing the papers.

Thank you, jesus! Thank you, Daddy God!