I was simply overjoyed at what happened on the last night of the youth leaders advance. I saw how Daddy God moved in the midst, wanting to reveal Himself as God the Father to every single youths and calling out their destinies. Along with my other dinosaur partner, I saw myself ministering and doing impartation of His word to some of them. At the end of the session, I saw myself walking towards the sunset, just like the endings of those cowboy movies. “This is it! My time is up! Time to hit the road for the rest of my journey”, I thought, having seen how these kids have excelled far better and doing even much greater things than I did.
Or so I thought ….
That same night, after the minsitry time was over, I returned to my room to wash up. After shower, while I was putting on my clothes behind the closed toilet door, my eyes kind of “shifted”, and saw the closed door, was no longer a toilet door … but an exit out of the building. Almost immediately, I could just sense a message sipping through my body – “it’s not time for you to leave”.
I loved (and still love) the young people very much. They brought so much zest and life into the community where I’m serving. They have struggles, but seeing how they are learning to deal with them with all their courage as I journeyed with them, I had no regrets at all. But now, from the worldly viewpoint, my market value is probably worth zero and the incinerator at Mt Vernon Crematorium is just waiting to burn my body up. With this biological aging process which I’m forced to go through, I will probably be, in no time, rocking on the grandfather’s chair barking at people walking past my porch without my dentures on.
I bargained in my heart, “but there’s nothing else for me to offer or give to them… how else can I do to serve them?”
Those same words resonated in my heart again, “It’s not time for you to leave”. Leave the toilet, yes. Leave that exit door, He said no.
Ok, so does that mean I still have something left of me that is worth to offer? Smells like I’m still kissing my dancing in the Saturday moonlight by the Siloso beach goodbye.
Yesterday, it was my first time hearing this song performed by Bart Mallard, and I thought to myself, “it must be Him”.
‘Cause if there’s anything good
Anything that’s good in me
Well it must be You, oh
Must be You
And if there’s any part of my shaking heart
To see this journey through
It must be you oh it must be You
It must be you oh it must be You
If I could imagine how Moses met the burning bush in the desert and was commanded to set His people free, then my equivalent of that bush must be that closed exit door. But to set His people free? Free from what? At the end of it all, it’s Him who set the people free while Moses was selected as His instrument and mouthpiece.
Who am I that I should ….? It must be You.
This morning, while I was conversing with Pete through SMS. I could sense what was on His mind. Just this evening, during a movie screening @ Cathay Cineplex, His heartbeat was pounding so blatantly loud in my heart for that two hours.
So, it seems that my job isn’t finished yet.
Yes, it must be You!
You may be asking where I am heading next? While I have an inkling, I am as lost as Moses initially was, and I really have no idea what He is going to do with me … as of this moment. If you are still keen to know what it is, you will have to come back here in future to read more about it
